I was in the spiritual tantric community for so many years and in the business. Believing the workshops and retreats I was paying lots of money for were awakening my inner divine priestess that I was some sort of dakini to help heal people in sessions, to bring back the ancient “temple mystery arts”. It was hedonistic, so called “liberated” self work and it did feel “healing”. The bliss would only last so long until the next session, workshop and retreat, chasing the next spiritual high. It felt like I was becoming more free and I was getting “somewhere”, though deep down I felt lost but I covered it up with more spiritual busyness. If anything came up, it was just stuff clearing - just peeling another layer of the onion and that I was going deeper.
It was so easy to go with the flow with what a facilitator/s would conjure up about “freedom”, “love”, “embody your truth”, “reclaim your power”. I would spend thousands of dollars for a week’s retreat, hoping for spiritual growth but really it was spiritual bondage. Manifesting what you “rightly deserved” with your will and your “spiritual sexual power”. So many “you are a goddess” type and tantric retreats. I realise how inverted it all was from His Truth.
You would also do things you wouldn’t usually do but hey the whole group was doing it and we all wanted spiritual enlightenment or in some circles “endarkenment”. Some rituals that felt right at the time and easily justified as a thing for self development, soul evolution and liberation.
I know I have met a lot of you on these retreats and spiritual communities. For some of you it is a business/coaching platform/lifestyle like it was mine. I know my posts are not always favoured and it rubs up with people’s ideas and beliefs that we should just accept “all truths”, “one source”, “all is love” and that “I am my own creator”. It can also bring up past religious experiences, your own relationship to your fatherly figure and your dislike of anything patriarchal. I had all of these yet there was a trace of Truth in me, that had the door slightly ajar for Christ Jesus. A seed that would eventually grow when I was finally tired from doing another spiritual course and divinely timed with His Grace.
I realised now that I am mostly testifying against myself, all the past misled roads I have chosen away from His Truth. Imagine devoting years of your life to your supposed “path”, building relationships around it and basing your entire business on this then suddenly waking up to His light. In an instant, you are faced with the reality of your actions, beliefs and choices - no matter how well intentioned they were. You do not want to face judgement when it’s too late. We never know the day/time we will depart and we don’t get another lifetime.
The good news is that He is loving and merciful and through the sacrificial atonement in Christ, you would want to naturally turn away from all of this because you are floored by His healing love. It is so simple and a profound gift yet we prefer to work on ourselves by ourselves. It’s like saying “no Father, I want to make a million mistakes and do another expensive course by a self-proclaimed spiritual teacher, then I’ll ask for your help when I’m down on my knees and desperate… and maybe then I’ll pray and see if you actually exist”. Why wait another moment away from His love, grace and mercy?
You will begin to see many will wake up from the new age and other walks of life into Christ and God is using their testimonies to show it is truly through Him that a person can be almightily transformed by His Grace. We are definitely not completely refined and perfect and it is a ongoing sanctification into holiness .
28/08/21
